Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
