Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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