....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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