I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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