thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
