Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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