Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
