i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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