I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
