oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
