Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just invented taco cereal.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
