so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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