Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
how does that bad decision feel?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
