I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
