Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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