so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
