they need to just BURY HIM!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
