no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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