I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
