Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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