Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
