I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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