I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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