2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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