toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
