i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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