I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
