Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
