The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
