Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
