I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
