I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
