plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
