she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
