i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
