just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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