I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
they're like a gay fantastic four
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Im part way to drunk.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
