I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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