found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
