Non-Jews are for practice
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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