He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
