She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We are two peas in an std pod
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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