Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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