i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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