i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
