when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
