I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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