Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
