No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
