Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
