You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
