hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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